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The Big Fourth of July Question

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If Abraham Lincoln were still alive today, would he be a Coke or Pepsi guy? What would the result of the 1980 Olympic “Miracle on Ice” match between the Russians and Americans be if they’d had a pie eating contest instead of a hockey game? Is it time for the Big Mac to finally replace the bald eagle as the symbol of the United States? These are the questions that keep me up at night. But as I sit here in my cubicle, mere days away from our country’s Independence Day, an even more important question dawns upon me. The question isn’t figuring out how many burgers I’ll be taking down at various barbecues this holiday weekend, or even what red, white and blue apparel I’ll be rocking (a throwback Dwyane Wade USA jersey if you were wondering…) No, the real question is: if we were to make an “All American” team of most American Americans throughout history (and fiction), who would make the cut? Through a complex thought process, I narrowed it down to five patriotic individuals. In no particular order, here are your most American, Americans throughout history.

  • T.J. Oshie: Perhaps you remember the 2014 Olympics where T.J. Oshie single handedly beat the Russian hockey team in a shootout, perhaps you don’t. Either way, it’s worth another look, the video is attached here. Plus he plays for the Washington Capitals in our nation’s capital. What’s more American than that?
  • Captain America (Steve Rogers): Okay, so he’s not technically a real guy, but we’ll just ignore that fact for now. This Marvel Superhero has the word “America” in his name. Do I really need to go further in depth as to why he’s qualified for this list? I do? Okay, he also rocks a very fashionable red, white, and blue uniform, and did I mention he’s a war hero too?
  • Air Bud: Winning a sporting event because of a technicality, or a loop hole is something as American as apple pie. Was it explicitly stated in the rule book that a dog CAN’T join the team? No? Loophole!! What’s even more American though is beating a movie franchise to death with unnecessary sequels. In that category, Air Bud is overqualified. There are a total of five Air Bud movies, seven Air Buddies movies, and two Air Buddies Christmas specials, in case you were looking for some movies to watch this holiday weekend.
  • George Washington: He was the first president of the United States, he could not tell a lie, and he silently judges me as I put a dollar bill with his face on it into a vending machine for my third bag of Bugles on the day. He’s George Washington! He had a huge impact on the United States, and I’ll bet he’d be ecstatic to find out he made a list that thus far includes a dog, a hockey player, and a comic book superhero.
  • Colonel Sanders: The long time mascot of Kentucky Fried Chicken, I have yet to see a commercial break this summer that DOESN’T feature the Colonel. Seriously, he’s everywhere. He also gets bonus points for his company's contributions to American cuisine. In 2010 KFC unveiled the Double Down, a sandwich which contains bacon, cheese, and sauce, slapped between two pieces of fried chicken. If that’s not American, then I don’t know what is.

Disagree with any of the selections above? Comment below with who you’d put in your “All American” lineup!

**Note, the views expressed here do not represent First National Technology Solutions as a whole. In fact, my decisions for “Most American, Americans” were random at best, and followed no structured formula. Seriously, Air Bud? Come on.**